When looking back over the past year, I have discovered that my back had been turned on God. Oh, I talked the talk, but even I wasn’t buying the BS I was spouting. My business was failing, I was slowly running out of money, I endured a life-threatening illness, my health insurance was unexpectedly dropped, my “just paid off” car suddenly died, and the list goes on. I got through each day somehow, but if I am completely honest with myself, I see that my faith disappeared. I was questioning my God every moment along the way, wondering why He was letting all of this happen to me.

So I did what I do best. When I fear that someone is going to abandon me, I abandon them first. I turned my back on God, and walked away, an empty shell. Without even really recognizing what I was doing, I was obviously saying, “Fine, I’ll do it my own way since you are not helping me, God!” My own way just doesn’t cut it… I have proven that time and time again.

I saw this saying this morning. It stopped me in my tracks. I was a teacher for years, and I remember on test day, my college students would arrive, take their test forms from me, and go to their desks in silence prepared to take their exam. I remember saying to myself, “Okay, I have given them the tools to pass this test, now it is up to them.” This is what God is saying to me daily, but I have ignored Him.

Last night, I heard a speaker tell his story. He had a traumatic childhood, and as a result, he claimed to have turned his back on God. In telling a trusted friend this story later in his life, his friend looked at him and said, “All you need to do is turn around.” That was so profound to me. God is always there, silently waiting for us to live the lessons He has already taught us. There are times in our lives where we feel like He has left us out there alone, clinging to the edge of the cliff for dear life. It is in those times, where we feel most alone, that all we need to do is simply Turn Around!

~ Paige Loveland

One of my absolute favorite parts of the book that is my Bible these days, talks about acceptance as being the answer to all of my problems today. I have read and re-read that section a number of times. I even took a screen shot of it and carry it around on my phone to pull out and read when I am having a particularly rough time. This is one of those times.

When I start to feel uncomfortable, fearful, anxious, or worried, I have to look deep within to find the answers. The cause of these feelings cannot be found by looking outward. Yes, there might be someone or some situation that is upsetting me. However, if there is one thing I have learned, and learned the hard way, it is that I cannot change, control, or fix anyone or anything around me.

People let us down sometimes. Things don’t go the way we planned. But there is absolutely nothing we can do over it. We must simply accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be. Sounds simple doesn’t it? Yeah, right!! It isn’t simple. But it is what we must do if we want to stay sober and live a life filled with joy. Life throws us curves, but it is how we react that matters. We can only control our own reactions to the things that happen around us.

For me, the hard part of that saying is the third line… “Have faith in what will be”. It is sometimes easier to shake off a failed relationship and let go, but much more difficult to believe and have faith that all will be okay and better things are in store, even though I try. Wasn’t it Yoda from Star Wars that said, “Do. Or Do Not. There is No Try.”? I cannot try to have faith… I simply must. Because to not have faith will only lead me back to the life I want so desperately to never revisit. To be sober, physically and emotionally, I must have faith.

~ Paige Loveland