Honesty used to be a foreign concept to me. Lies fell off of my tongue so easily when I was active in my addiction, with no resulting guilt. The further I get in sobriety, the more difficult it is for me to be dishonest.
Working the steps demands rigorous honesty… honesty with myself and honesty with others. I have found that by telling my truth, others are brought closer to me and I am brought closer to my higher power. Steps 4 and 5 require a thorough moral inventory, which means I have to be completely open about who I am and what I have done. This was terrifying the first time I attempted it, but as the years go on, I find it brings me such peace!
Today, when I catch myself in a lie, I feel it like a lump in my gut. It isn’t quite so easy to lie anymore, and I find that it just isn’t worth it. My conscience has little tolerance for lies anymore. That still small voice inside (I believe this is my Higher Power) reminds me of what actions I should and shouldn’t be taking, and for that, I’m thankful today!
Honesty brings such a sense of freedom… freedom from the pangs of guilt, freedom from the web of lies woven, and freedom from the disappointment of self. Today, honesty is the easier softer way for me to live and I’m grateful for its gift.