I used to think that once sober, life would instantly become better. In many ways it did… I was no longer hiding, wondering if I would be found out, and feeling that constant twinge of anxiety. However, life goes on… shit happens.
Being sober does not mean that nothing bad will ever happen in my life. Instead, it means that I will finally have the intuition to know how to handle such situations. If you do not feel that you are THERE yet, you will. Little by little, as our heads become clearer and we trust in a higher power to take care of us and show us the way, we will be better able to handle those damn curves that life throws our way.
The key, though, is to put all of our faith and trust in something or someone bigger than ourselves. I know that for me, if I continue to attempt to drive the bus, I will be right back to my truly insane way of running the show. That, in and of itself, will lead us to mishandle almost every situation which comes our way. Even worse, it may lead us right back to looking for something to numb the pain… to put a bandage on a temporary situation. That is what I have come to find out… that our troubles are merely temporary. A drink or a drug will numb us briefly, but the pain will resurface as soon as the effects wear off.
To gain true serenity, I am finding that I have to diligently practice acceptance. Conflicts will continue to come my way, regardless of whether or not I am drinking. So learning to simply cope (yes, I said SIMPLY) with those conflicts, is one of the many gifts of sobriety!
~ Paige Loveland